When you feel like a liar for saying, "everything's fine"

You know when people ask you how everything is going? Well my natural response is something along the lines of "great" or "everything's fine." Typically I say "great." Today it really hit me (when my Visiting Teachers were here) that I would actually feel like a liar if I said that. Everything, while not horrible, is not fine or great. 

Side note: the reason I answer great is because when I was in college I heard if you answered "great" every time someone asked how you were or how your day is going, that by the end of the day you'd believe you were great or had a great day. True story. I tried it and at the time my roomies would get together every night and say our favorite part of the day and pray before bedtime (love those girls!) One day I remember sitting down and saying, I had such a great day, let me think of my favorite part. As I thought about the day, it actually turned out to be a not so great day. So it works! Just don't reflect on the day at the end ;).

So why isn't everything great? Well, let's start with the fact that the first 3.5 weeks of our little one's life have been eventful! We've been to the doctor every week since he's been born! 

Week 1 - I was having pain in my calf just under my knee, which can be a sign of a blood clot, so the OB said to come in and they'd see me (no appointment, just come when I could get there...) Luckily it was nothing, but what a hassle (as it wasn't the day he was where we live so we had to drive 40 minutes to get there!) So this wasn't such a bad thing, in fact it was a great thing to know I wasn't potentially going to die (blood clots in legs can go to the lungs and actually kill you, I'm not just exaggerating.)

Week 2 - Marc's 2 week check-up. He was 1 ounce short of his birth-weight, but other than that looked good. However the doctor told us to come back in 2 weeks (that is this Friday - the 24th.) Not a horrible visit either...

Week 3 - It became very apparent that the intense baby blues I was experiencing was more than just the baby blues so we went back to the OB (luckily the day he was in the office over here.) You know things aren't normal when the Doctor comes in, asks how you are doing and it's all you can do to keep the flood waters from escaping! I'm now on "happy pills" (for postpartum depression) and just took my 7th one this morning. However since they can take weeks to work, I'm still not doing THAT great and can break down and cry for anything at all (it isn't happening quite as frequently though).

Week 3 again - We took Marc (and me) to urgent care last Friday (17th) as we suspected he had thrush (and had passed it onto me). Well, we were right and we're now being treated for thrush. While it isn't as bad as I thought it would be, giving him medicine 4 times a day is not so fun. 

Week 4 - We will be going into the doctor on Friday to check Marc's weight. We went to the doctor on Thursday and he'd gained 4 ounces since the urgent care visit, so that was good! (he'd only gained 2 ounces the week before...)

All that on top of the fact that Daniel is busy at work and having to work overtime (we're glad he's not salaried and actually gets the extra money!) He's also been busy with boy scouts, and helped clean the church twice. 

Plus the lack of sleep is catching up with me... or did about a week ago.

So if you ask me how I'm doing anytime soon...   You may hear a fine (depending on how well I know you... but not an everything's fine.) Or I may start crying as soon as you ask. But you won't hear that everything is great, because I honestly feel like that would be lying right now. However, it is more in my nature to try to hide the fact I'm struggling and deal with it on my own... I am trying to be better at that!

However, I do feel like I am handling things okay, I have some moments when I wonder if I can handle it, but they go away in a little while and I'm back to doing okay. Sometimes I'm even doing better than okay - I can actually be doing good, just depends on the minute ;).

My try at Newborn Photography...

 These pictures were taken at 5 days old. I have some I took at 1 week and will show a contrast with Eric's size when I post them... But I'm not promising them any time soon... ;) However we did just get a swing that Marc loves so I may have a few more spare minutes in the day (since it can swing him instead of me!)

 I wasn't sure which I liked best of these two...

Eric wanted to have his picture taken (of course) and I have quite a few of the two of them unposed, but this was my favorite!

The real deal...

After our last experience in going to the hospital, I'd had a few more times where I was almost ready to go... actually Tuesday (24th) I stayed up until 1:30ish (okay so that was the 25th - technically) and decided that it was actually labor and got pretty much everything ready to go and that's when the contractions started to die down, just a bit. However I decided that if I laid down they'd either go away or get stronger again. 2 hours later I woke up and decided that they were dying down. We had an OB appointment that day and I had actually dilated another centimeter, so perhaps those contractions the night before were the reason. Our doctor said that they'd have kept me if I would have went in the night before... However I'm glad that I got some sleep that night!

We had also decided to go the induction route because I was done with having contractions every day and thinking multiple times per week that we'd be going into the hospital. We scheduled it for Friday... normally they schedule them at some unearthly hour in the morning, but we were reprieved as they had a C-Section and an induction planned that morning already so we were told to come in at 9AM (sounds so much better than 6 - right?! Since we'd have left our house at 5!) I never planned on having an induction done unless I went past my due date... but I was just so done with all the worry and anxiety of having contractions every day that I HAD to do it!

Thursday we did some cleaning and last minute getting ready stuff, then went to bed (later than I wanted to but still not too bad.) I woke up a few times that night (as is typical for a 9-month pregnant woman!) I didn't get much sleep after 4:45 as I had some pain in my side and was having some contractions. However I did manage to get some sleep, but woke up again at 6:45 - and since the alarm was going to go off at 7 I decided to just get up and shower. We got ready and headed to my parents house to drop off Eric and all his stuff, then we were on to the hospital.

Once there, they hooked me up to the monitors, and to an IV line (turns out I was Group B Strep positive so I had to have IV antibiotics... funny how that wasn't mentioned any of the previous times I'd been to the hospital!) Oh I did forget to mention that I was having contractions about every 10 minutes the whole morning and I joked with Daniel that we may have been in that day even without the induction... we'll never know (and I'm okay with that!)

We wanted to just have my water broken and not be given medication to start me if possible, and I don't know if we communicated that well or if they always give medication unless you're having contractions but when that came up we then had to wait until our OB was out of surgery (yep, he was the one doing the C-Section!) When he came out and looked at the monitoring, he said that it looked like I could be in labor and decided to try just breaking my water... so he did (shortly after 10AM). They started the first round of penicillin... Daniel and I played a few rounds of a boardgame and the contractions picked up a bit but not very bad at all. After the penicillin was done, we were given an hour to walk around before they had to start the second round. They started picking up while we were walking, but were still very manageable. We probably made about 5 laps around the OB department (it's not very large...) They checked me and I had dilated to 4 cm... So 3 hours after they broke my water I'd dilated a whole centimeter. I had been hoping for more, but I took at least making progress!

They hooked me up for my second round of penicillin and we finished our game/watched some TV. After the second round was done they came in and said we could go walking again. HOLY COW did those contractions pick up that time. We made it around once and I would have stopped after about halfway if I could have chosen any room to go back to... The contractions became so much more intense and painful. Once we got back to the room we asked to have some pain medication because it seriously felt like my body was being ripped in two. While we were waiting I had to use the potty and that was just a miserable experience. After I was done there I got down on my hands and knees (as I've heard that's suppose to help with the pain.) However they put the IV line in my wrist so I couldn't bend it which made that position a bit harder (and super uncomfortable for the first few seconds while I learned that bending my wrist HURT!) During this time I had contractions that were right on top of each other. It was agonizing. They finally came in with the medication and hooked me up to the monitor first before giving me the pain killer. Finally I got it (time: 3:10) and it started working - it was enough to make me able to handle them a bit better but the contractions were still really intense. The nurse came in and checked me shortly after the medication was given and (after being warned that I never wanted to hear 5 cm by my husband) told me that I was at 8 (I was happy to hear these crazy intense contractions had actually been doing something!) So in the past 2 hours I'd dilated 4 cm. At least that explained why I was in so much pain... The nurse also told me that making deep noises instead of high noises 'helps' more. So started doing that while I was having contractions... I'd have hated to be near my room during this point - I'm sure all the noises were rather annoying!

An hour later I felt a VERY mild sensation like I wanted to push (or I thought I did, but I'm not completely sure...) so the nurse came in to check me and I was only at a 9 (and the pain killer had worn off but they couldn't give me anything because I was so close to delivery)... then about 2-3 contractions later I really felt the urge to push and so she checked me again and waited until I was having a contraction (which I can say was awkward AND painful.) I pretty much only had an anterior lip (so was pretty much dilated). So she went to make sure the OB was really on his way (the OB clinic is in the same hospital, just down the hallway.) She came back in and I said that I really needed to push... I really think that urge is one of the strongest urges that a body can have and is one that does NOT want to be repressed! They got the bed ready and such so I could push and the nurse told me that I wouldn't be pushing for 2 hours like with Eric, but for just a few pushes. I'd have to say I was a bit skeptical, but... you know. A few contractions and about 5-6 pushes later, there was a baby! I can say that I don't remember the contractions while pushing being painful with Eric (just the fact that I was pushing a baby out...)

I got to hold him for a minute or two and then they took him because they were worried about his color and put oxygen on him (he stayed in the room but was mostly out of my eyesight.) I got stitched up (because I tore - not too bad but I did get 6 stitches the last of which wasn't completely numbed - OUCH!)  Then I got the shakes really bad. My whole body was seriously shaking (and for the first time in MONTHS, I was freezing - even my feet!) They got a warm blanket and put on me and that helped, but I was still shaky. The OB went back to clinic and said he'd stop by after his last patient. They felt our little boy was breathing well again and would have let me hold him again, but I declined as I didn't feel I had the muscle control to safely handle a baby. So Daniel got to hold him for a bit. Then they took him to the nursery because he sounded like he had some fluid in his lungs (oh and also to weigh him and get all that stuff done). While they were gone I got to eat (finally!) Hospital food is not one of my favorites, but it's amazing how good anything tastes after not eating all day! It was about 5:30, so it had only been 10 hours since I'd eaten (not almost 24 like with Eric)...

Eventually they brought the baby back in and I got to feed him, then they took him back to give him a bath. (The pediatrician on call had taken him before they were done so I could feed him - he said he'd stole him from the nursery and the nurse agreed... But I was happy to see my baby again ;) Eric came to visit that night and was a little shy around the baby... but was happy to see us all. Grandma took him back to her house that night. 

Eric had lots of fun playing with the divider curtain!

We decided to name him Marc Allen. Marc after my youngest brother (who died when I was in High School) and Allen after Daniel's grandfather.

 

The next day Daniel went to get Eric to bring him to the hospital and when Daniel put Eric in his carseat, Eric looked over at the carseat and said, "That's for Baby Marc." When they got to the hospital, Eric wanted to hold the baby and giggled when he first held him. He also smothered him with kisses, it was super cute!

Eric giggled when he got to hold Marc

And Marc hits Eric in the nose!

 

Eric is great at helping keep Marc's pacifier in... and tries even when Marc doesn't want it!

The first grandchild my mom got to meet the same day he was born.

Daniel took Eric to get some dinner (cafeteria is only opened for lunches on Saturdays so Daniel needed to get something to eat as well... and it was a special papa-son outing) and after they ate, they decided to get ice-cream. Eric wanted to take it back to the hospital. Daniel asked if they were going to share with Mama. Eric added, "And Baby Marc." Daniel had to remind him about what babies eat (we'd had that discussion before they went to get dinner). ;).

When they got back with their ice-cream, I'd just finished feeding Marc and the nurse was coming in to take him and give him a bath. Shortly after the nurse took him, I was in the potty and I heard Eric say, "Where did Baby Marc go?" at least 3 times... I had to make sure Papa explained where Baby Marc was because Eric was very upset that he wasn't there anymore! Daniel actually took Eric to the Nursery so he could see where Baby Marc was... Grandma came and took Eric back home with her. Eric loved spending time at Grandma's house.

We're pretty excited about how loving and accepting of a big brother Eric has turned out to be. He still has his moments when he wants all the attention, but overall is doing very well I'd say! We left the hospital Sunday afternoon, stopped by my parent's to pick up Eric (who was happy to see us...) Then were on our way home...

More fun adventures...

Saturday (July 14) I started having contractions that were more painful and intense (the pain was more in the top of the uterus and the back - so I figured this was actual labor as these felt different than any contractions I'd had yet this pregnancy. The OB said that the contractions would feel different and these fit that.) We went to the hospital late that night. I was also feeling nauseous... 

The contractions up to the point we'd arrived at the hospital had barely effaced me any more so I wasn't super happy about that! However, they monitored me for a while and at one point Daniel told the nurse I was nauseous so she brought me in an anti-nausea pill (actually 4 because she didn't have the 1 dose pill.) Not 2 minutes later those pills and everything else came back up... A while later I got hooked up to an IV to give me some IV anti-nausea medication. While I'm pretty sure it helped a bit, I still managed to puke 2 more times. (Oh and then there was the matter of the 3 hurried trips to the bathroom while the other end emptied out... also not fun!)

Soon after that Daniel started upchucking and we decided that we'd both caught the stomach bug Eric had dealt with a few days before. However due to the IV medication (which didn't entirely help me not lose stomach contents a few times that night...) and fluids that came with it, I think I had an easier recovery than Daniel. Once we figured out it was the stomach bug, we knew that ANYTHING would come up, as Eric had thrown up even a sip of water! (So if any of you get this - just don't eat/drink for like 8 hours! And I sincerely hope you'll be able to sleep through most of that time... Okay I really sincerely hope you won't get it!)

We spent the whole night at the hospital and my contractions managed to stop all by themselves somewhere around 5 or 6 (I'd been drifting in and out of sleep since about 2-3 am). Let's just say that having a crazy annoying stomach flu and contractions at the same time isn't any fun! However the contractions did manage to dilate me 1 more cm. So after 2 weeks at 1 cm, I am now at 2 cm...

We left at 9am after getting a few hours of sleep. I was the one who ended up driving as Daniel was in no condition to do so... Let's just say that I wheeled him to the hospital exit as he had to stop and rest after we got out of the OB department. So I asked the nurse at the nurse's desk for a wheelchair. It probably looked funny with the pregnant lady wheeling her husband, but I know he looked like he didn't feel good... so maybe it didn't look that funny.

Luckily my mom kept Eric for the whole day and we were able to go home and sleep a lot. By that evening we mostly just had the flu-achy feeling. We were also glad we didn't have a baby at this point as it would have been a bit miserable to be dealing with the flu and a newborn! My mom brought Eric back and he fell asleep on the way over and slept all night (well he did join us in our bed at 4ish)... so that was nice ;).

The good part - we made it to 38 weeks, which was nice since after our adventure at 36 weeks we had only hoped to make it to 37... Now we're just simply wondering when this little guy is going to show up. (And hopefully Eric doesn't pick up any more bugs between now and then!)


The best part - this morning after a good 9 hours in bed last night we were both feeling mostly better!

June 2012

This month started out with Daniel attending North Star Training for Boy Scouts, so he was gone all day Friday, Friday night and most of Saturday. He came home and got to go to scouts that evening! I decided I am not so good at being pregnant and having a husband gone pretty much the whole weekend.

The second weekend in June we both got to speak in church and then I got to teach Relief Society. (I normally teach the 3rd week but the teacher who teaches the second week asked to switch as she was going to be out of town helping her daughter who was having a C-Section.) So that was a fun experience... I don't do very well teaching/speaking while pregnant as I tend to have my mind go completely blank - true story - for example, in Relief Society I was teaching from the George Albert Smith book that we're using all year and I could NOT remember his name so I had to look at the cover so I would remember it! Yeah, that got a laugh from the sisters in the room...

The day after we spoke, some friends from the ward invited us to a picnic in the park. It was fun (Thanks Hastings!). Then that Thursday was when we had the 3-D ultrasound done and the next day was the non-stress test and the AFI.

Took this the night before the AFI and non-stress test. Just in case.

On the 23rd I started having contractions every 10 minutes, an hour or two later they went to 7 minutes. After a total of 4-5 hours they died down. But pretty much every day since then I've been having contractions - basically 1-2 per hour. Sometimes they get closer together and then die down again, and sometimes it is just a whole day with a contraction or two per hour. (I did have false labor with Eric as well... but that was at least on my 38 week mark!)

We had a great Father's Day... Eric and I made Daniel breakfast in bed -

 and while Eric wouldn't let me put whipped cream on his pancakes, he did enjoy eating some:

 

Eric gave Daniel this shirt: (tutorial found here: http://thebluebasket.blogspot.com/2011/09/tutorial-car-shirt.html#more)

Great way to get backrubs ;).

On the 27th we had an appointment with the OB and got my group B strep test done. He also checked me and said I was pretty much effaced but not dilated at all... however he was surprised that I wasn't at all dilated because of how low the baby's head was in my pelvis (which was most likely causing my crampy feelings). So pretty much Daniel and I are thinking that we're not going to make it to 40 weeks, but hopefully we make it to 37 - only one more week to go! The doctor simply told me to take it as easy as I could (looking at Eric during the last part of the sentence...)

The last two weeks in June they were doing Utility work on our block and I would have to say that while it was inconvenient to get out of our cul de sac, Eric really enjoyed being able to see all the trucks and machines out the window!

On the 25th, Eric decided to make our lives interesting by getting a fever and throwing up... luckily by Tuesday he was finished with the vomiting part, but is still sick and has a nasty cough. I should have known he was getting sick, because the night before he came up to me (15 minutes BEFORE bedtime) and said: "It's time to take my vitamins, brush my teeth, take a bath and go to sleep!" I would have to say I am loving the cuddles I'm getting from him while he's not feeling well. On Wednesday he came up to me and said: "Mama, Mama, I need my snuggle loves." I responded: "You need your snuggle loves?" Eric: "I promise!" It was so cute and totally a parrot of me because I obviously say I Promise more than is normal...

I would also have to say that not having to clean up a mess for a day or two was nice as well... but having to see him suffer with being sick was not so fun. His fever reached 103.5 in the middle of the night on Wednesday and then was gone the next day (thankfully-fevers that high always scare me). However we're still waiting for the cough to disappear.

June 30th marked my 36 week of pregnancy... It also was the day that Daniel got to go to the 11-year old day camp in the mountains. He was gone from 7AM until 5PM. Having him gone two Saturdays in the same month wasn't the best for keeping our house clean (especially since I'm suppose to be taking it easy...)

And some random pictures of Eric:

He got a super soaker that Daniel's had for years and was using the orange nob at the end as the sight. Where he learned that... ?

'Reading' his book.

Falling asleep on the floor. He was just too cute not to take a picture ;).

July 1, 2012

Yesterday morning I woke up with contractions coming every 10 minutes.  Luckily I was able to sleep until about 8:30 (thank Eric for sleeping in!) They continued to be roughly 10 minutes apart (yeah, me and that whole never regular with contractions thing!) for the whole morning and early afternoon. Daniel left to go to church at 10:40 (I was staying home with Eric as he still had a cough and we didn't want to pass germs) and they were still 10 minutes apart... and stayed that way the whole time he was at church. While Daniel was at church I showered... nothing I did seemed to make a difference in the contractions - either getting shorter or fizzling out. Shortly after he got home they decided they could stop being 10 minutes apart. By 2:30 they started getting a bit closer and by 4 or 4:30 we decided to head into the hospital. It probably was a bit early but the OB said we should go when they became regular and didn't slow down or stop when resting, etc. 

We stopped by my parents house and dropped off Eric, gave bedtime routine instructions and were off to the hospital. When we got there we checked in and got settled in a room. The nurse came in and checked me - I wasn't completely effaced and I was only at 1.5 cm dilated. So they called the doctor who said it would be best if we stopped the contractions... so they gave me a little yellow pill that slowed them down for about an hour (main side effect - headache). Then they CAME BACK with a VENGEANCE. Seriously they were about 5 minutes apart and VERY painful. I would have to say though - the contractions were actually pretty regular at that point and I honestly turned to Daniel and said, "Are they sure that pill was suppose to stop my contractions instead of help them along!?" I was only halfway joking. Those contractions were the most regular I've ever had! The nurse came and asked how it was going and I said they were back and about 5 minutes apart. So back to calling the doctor... 

When she came back she said the doctor ordered a shot... let me tell you something - that shot SUCKED (sorry for you people who don't like that word but it really did)! First when it goes into your arm it BURNS like crazy. Once it gets into your system, it makes your heart race (think the middle of a killer cardio workout) and you get shaky (think low blood sugar-and it really makes you feel yucky like that too!) After about 2 hours the contractions had pretty much stopped. We decided to head out of the hospital and ended up staying at my parents house (10 minutes away from said hospital instead of 45.)  It was after 10PM by this point...

I ate something and then we got ready for bed. Oddly enough by this point I wasn't as exhausted and didn't feel as yucky. I honestly didn't realize how much of what I was feeling (exhaustion, feeling yucky, etc) was from that stinking shot!

I pretty much only felt a couple of really mild contractions after leaving the hospital (and since for the past week I've been having a 1-3 every hour I wasn't concerned.) I was told to take it easy (well as easy as you can having a 3 year old at home...) But was classified even more this time (was told that at my last OB appt as well.) I was told that if I went to the store to go shopping (like at Wal-Mart) that I should use one of the wheelchair carts... Luckily we did most of our stocking up in the last 2 weeks!

This morning we made it back in time for me to drop Daniel off at work so he could make his Monday morning meeting (an hour after he was suppose to be there, but I love the place he works as they're very understanding!) 

Here's to hoping that I don't get regular contractions for at least another week!

May 2012

At the beginning of May we decided to start potty training Eric. He got the hang of it (except for going #2) and did well for a few days and then stopped using the potty. After cleaning up more accidents than my pregnant body wanted to handle, I decided that it was time we quit the potty training. All told we tried for about 2 weeks. He occasionally still decides to use the potty but it is once every few days if that (and usually now it is just when he wants a 'reward'). We're not going to try until after the baby is born and life settles down (as we don't want him to regress once he's started using the potty all the time and we hear regression happens quite frequently after a new sibling arrives.)

We were also taking advantage of the warm weather and playing outside frequently. He has a set of construction toys he likes to play with in the dirt - it's his 'construction site.'

On Daniel's birthday (after he got his teeth drilled at the dentist) we had fun as a family. We went geocaching and Eric got to find a few of them which he loved. He now likes going to find a 'treasure'. (Of course geocaching typically only involves signing a log, but he still loves it!)

Eric has really started playing with his toys and will act out scenes from the movie 'Cars'. I tried to get some video of him doing it, but always caught him to late or he caught me trying to film it (he stops what he's doing when he sees the camera.) But he would start with the scene after the race when he's talking to Mack and does the whole Rustez commercial, then mumble through the part after and eventually put McQueen (toy car) in Mack (toy truck) and start singing "Life is a Highway" like in the movie. That kid has a pretty good memory!

One night we were on a walk and passed a yard with a tree stump in it, he said "There's a tree... with it's parts broken off!"

Another fun thing is that for Mother's Day I got an ice-cream maker. Eric loves it and comes running every time he hears it turned on...

One day while I was changing his diaper, he made his comment: "No, We don't eat Bum Cream... we eat Ice-Cream!" He really is on a kick of saying what we don't do followed by something we do.