I posted most of this on my cooking blog, so if you read it there, you can pretty much skip this post... I did include some links to posts previous that applied, if you really want to read more of what we wrote at the time!
On September 20 this year my husband and I moved into our new home (that's it up there... oh and if anyone knows what that tall plant is in front, please let me know!) Exactly 2 years to the date of when we arrived at my parents house with a U-haul truck full of stuff and a 6 month old baby. The plan was to be there for 6 months - maximum! Little did we know that that six months would stretch into 2 years. Four times longer than expected. Part of me felt like a failure with each passing day as I waited for the day when either my husband or I would get a job so we could finally move. I mean what couple with a 6 month to 2 year old child lives with their parents for that long (I know it happens! Hey, I'm living proof...) It is not anything I had ever seen in my future. That's not the way my life was suppose to have happened! I started to withdraw. I didn't reach out to others because I didn't want to have to discuss my life. I find it fascinating that at the time in my life when I needed others, I withdrew. I didn't want to be judged. I do know in fact that most people wouldn't judge me like I judged my own situation. But in fact I have been a horrible friend. I really didn't want to keep in touch with most of you because I hated getting asked how my life was going. I am sorry I have been an absent friend. I will try to do better!
There had to be some one to blame that my life wasn't going as planned...
Part of me wanted to blame my husband because obviously he wasn't working hard enough on his thesis or it would have been completed within a couple of months after we moved. This is not true, and he was as frustrated with his thesis as he could be at times. Once he fixed all the issues with programs and data it went pretty well. It just took many, many trials and failures for him to get the data where it needed to be. He would discuss it with me, and I would try to at least pay attention, but it is hard when I only understood a fourth to an eighth of what he was talking about! I am grateful that he did not quit on his dream of finishing his Master's Degree. He is a strong man and I'm glad he's in my life forever.
(My husband gave me this sign when we go married.)
Part of me wanted to blame me. Maybe I didn't have enough faith that we could move. If I just believed that things would get better, then they would. Right?! Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, should I apply for jobs I know I would be miserable in? The list goes on and on... I've learned beating yourself up doesn't help a thing. Only hurts it and makes you feel worse.
Another part of me knew that my parents needed help (for more details click
here, or
here or
here or
here or
here or
here or even
here... I have a different situation than most people. I grew up with 3 younger siblings with severe disabilities. My youngest brother passed away when I was in high school. My other brother and sister need constant care. So yes my parents did need help - especially when my little sister was so close to dying - twice - in a 6 week period. It made it so my mom did not have to leave her out in the hospital alone (a 2-3 hour drive from their house) to be at home taking care of her son while my dad was at work. They also needed help because it wasn't until this summer that my sister finally stopped going to the hospital (ER, being admitted, etc.) almost
every week. My mom did not have to call my dad and ask him to come home, or load my sister and my brother into the van all by herself. I am glad I was able to support my parents through the rough last two years they had.
(This is my mom, dad, brother and sister - at my grandmother's funeral - so before the health issues she had in the past 2 years.)
Given a choice, I would have done it a bit differently (such as living close by but actually not
in their house), however, I have learned that some choices are not solely up to us. Believe me I tried to get employment (even though I wanted to be a stay at home mom.) The only job I got a call back from I did not take it. Mainly because every time I thought about it I had such a dark feeling about taking the job, in fact I was almost nauseous at one point. It was hard to turn down employment but I've learned to trust those feelings. Most of the time I felt like my husband and I were living in a black hole - except, we could send things out but nothing would come back. So many job applications he sent out and hardly any sent ANY information back.
There were many complications happening all at once during those two years. However, everything fell into place all at once. My sister's health started doing SO much better in May. Daniel turned his thesis in on June 10, had a job interview on the 15th, and the next day was offered the job - 6 days after turning in his thesis. It wasn't his ideal job, but after 2 years we were just happy to have something in his field! He started work on June 27. His job was in the same area that my parents lived, although he had a 30-45 minute commute every day. We stayed with my parents for a few months and gave us time to save up a bit of money and start looking for a house. Mainly because there are not a lot of apartments in the area - most looked pretty run down, and the rent is more than our mortgage payment! I think that was the biggest motivator.
(Turning in the thesis)
Looking back I realize that I lived my life waiting. Waiting for the thesis to be done, waiting to get full time employment (we had part time employment...), waiting to move out. I wasted 2 years of my life waiting. I am not going to wait anymore. I am going to experience life and enjoy each day. I'm not going to wait until I weigh 20 pounds less to enjoy my life (I am still going to try to lose that 20 lbs!) I am not going to wait until I have all the furniture for my house to enjoy it! My life is great right now, and I am going to enjoy it! Honestly I have everything I desired in my life a year ago... except for a baby, I was baby hungry a year ago ;). We'll see when the Lord wants to bless us with that. Because in the midst of all that was happening in our lives in the past 2 years, I was also diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS (for those of you who want to know more about what that is... you can click
here).
(Or the fact that there is this hideous pink carpet in my son's room... we'll be fixing that! We just have a few other things that are taking precedence... like making sure we have insulation in our roof - it's actually only above one room that doesn't have any.)
Hopefully I'll be better at updating with all the fun things happening in our lives (as well as the struggles we may be having!)
